Lifestyle

Case Study: From sadness to happiness in 30 minutes!

Step 1: Identify the state of the problem (unhappiness) and the degree of dissatisfaction

Here’s the process:

– Tell me what to help!

– Well … I do not know if you can help me. The idea is that I am very dissatisfied with my life and can not get out of this state, I feel stuck, whatever I do, I feel unhappy.

“That’s good,” she said as she eyed her eyes and pressed her silence.

Then I ask her:

– On a scale of 0 to 10, how great is the discontent of your life?

– Well … I think 8-9.

Step 2: Identify the solution state (happiness)

– Still, you told me what the problem of your life is: the state of dissatisfaction, of unhappiness. But you have not told me what you want to replace this state.

If you had the power to replace this state of unhappiness with something else, what would you want to replace it with?

– Well … I want to feel free, I want to be happy. I do not even know what happiness means, with so many problems in my life.

– So, do you understand that you’re looking for happiness?

– Yes!

In this process, I passed Roxana through 4 levels of evolution so as to make the transition from unhappy to happy.

I recommend you to keep an eye on the whole process, as it is very possible to apply it to you. What you will discover is actually a coaching process, through which the change was possible in less than 30 minutes.

And let’s see what had to happen to Roxana so he could rediscover happiness?

Journey to Happiness – Level 1

– Well … how are you doing this?

– What do you mean, how do I do that?

– Simple: How do you do that? How do you manage to be unhappy? You must have some abilities to keep you in a state of unhappiness. You are aware that unhappiness can not hold on to you continuously without your contribution. It takes a lot of mental power to stay connected with the state of unhappiness. So, how are you doing this?

– Well, I do not know how to do this, I just live a state of unhappiness for many years! I do not know what happiness is.

– Roxana, here’s the reality: you have to accept that people like you can not live happiness, because they chose to be unhappy with life. You do not want to rediscover what happiness means and how to be happy. People like you can not succeed in life, as failure is part of their existence and you must accept that!

– How do I accept that? I want to get out of it (she tells me with a determined voice)!

– Of course you want to get out of this. You want and there are probably a few other billions of people on the whole earth who want the same thing. But do you really think you can do that? (I ask her with a voice as determined as hers).

– Of course I can!

– So you have the belief that you can live your happiness?

Absolutely! Otherwise, I was not talking to you anymore. Besides, I contacted you to help me, and what you do is tell me that people like me have to be unhappy. But I had completely different expectations from this meeting!

Again a pressing silence … Roxana still did not understand what I was doing! My goal was to push even harder on her problem, I wanted her to react, to resist resistance to what I say. Then I said in a firm voice:

– Roxana, 10 minutes ago saying you could not get out of this state, you said you were stuck. Now I see you contradict, I see you’re starting to struggle with the state of unhappiness, so I ask you again:

– On a scale of 0-10, how is your degree of unhappiness now?

– Well, I think somewhere around 7.

Journey to Happiness – Level 2

– Sure, like me, you realize that a degree of dissatisfaction of 7 is really great. So you are right: you can not live your happiness!

In fact, you and your unhappiness live well together, you understand very well. And I see there is a very good symbiosis between you and your state of unhappiness. Your goal is not to live your happiness.

Your goal is to live your unhappiness. You are an expert in being unhappy and you even manage to do that pretty well!

I have to admit that I have to learn from you from this point of view. In this area you are the expert, not me. I have to accept that, although I do not like it.

So, teach me how to become unhappy because I do not. Can you do that for me? Can you teach me how to become unhappy?

– What do I mean to teach you to become unhappy? Of course I can not (she answers me with a rather aggressive voice)! With this aggressive voice, I answer it without delay:

– And if you can not teach me to become unhappy, what makes you think you can live unhappy day by day? Think: you are not even able to teach me how to be unhappy, but you consider yourself an expert in unhappiness.

You know what, let me tell you: your state of unhappiness is not a real one. Thinking from the right perspective: What makes you think you are capable of holding yourself in a state of unhappiness, if you can not even teach me how to become unhappy? Tell me, how should I think so I become unhappy?

– You know (she tells me) … your questions are a little weird, but I feel like they’re getting me out of the blue! I never thought of that.

– Well, you can start doing that now. So I ask you again:

– On a scale of 0-10, how great is your degree of unhappiness?

– Well … somewhere around 6, I think.

– You know, it’s good!

Journey to Happiness – Level 3

– Let me be very direct with you and ask you a question. Are you ready? Then, without letting him answer, I ask him the question:

– When do you think you will be really happy?

Give yourself 5 minutes to find your answer and only after you have the answer ready, I will be willing to listen to you. So you have 5 minutes to find your answer alone. If you find your answers you will find happiness even today.

After more than 5 minutes of thinking, answer:

– I will be happy when I have “this” and “this” and “that”. (I will still maintain the confidentiality of Roxana’s wishes, for obvious reasons).

– Are you sure you will be really happy then?

Absolutely! I’m really sure.

– Good. So what you can do through your thoughts is that you place happiness somewhere in the future. Mental you have set a distance between the present moment, where you are in a state of unhappiness and a moment of the future, where you will meet happiness.

Journey to Happiness – Level 3

– Let me be very direct with you and ask you a question. Are you ready? Then, without letting him answer, I ask him the question:

– When do you think you will be really happy?

Give yourself 5 minutes to find your answer and only after you have the answer ready, I will be willing to listen to you. So you have 5 minutes to find your answer alone. If you find your answers you will find happiness even today.

After more than 5 minutes of thinking, answer:

– I will be happy when I have “this” and “this” and “that”. (I will still maintain the confidentiality of Roxana’s wishes, for obvious reasons).

– Are you sure you will be really happy then?

Absolutely! I’m really sure.

– Good. So what you can do through your thoughts is that you place happiness somewhere in the future. Mental you have set a distance between the present moment, where you are in a state of unhappiness and a moment of the future, where you will meet happiness.

That’s where you want to get! It’s the place where you think you’ll be happy, because then you’ll have all the things you said you wanted. Right?

“Yes, you’re right,” she says after a moment of thinking.

Roxana, now I want you to think about what you will hear next:

– If you do not get those things, then are you determined to stay your life in a state of unhappiness?

– That’s not really for me, that’s never going to happen. I’m going to look for other things to bring me happiness. I will discover how to be happy, I will find another way.

“Good, so you’re convinced you can find other things to make you happy, right?”

– Yes!That’s where you want to get! It’s the place where you think you’ll be happy, because then you’ll have all the things you said you wanted. Right?

“Yes, you’re right,” she says after a moment of thinking.

Roxana, now I want you to think about what you will hear next:

– If you do not get those things, then are you determined to stay your life in a state of unhappiness?

– That’s not really for me, that’s never going to happen. I’m going to look for other things to bring me happiness. I will discover how to be happy, I will find another way.

“Good, so you’re convinced you can find other things to make you happy, right?”

– Yes!

Give yourself five minutes to write down what would be the most significant things that would bring you happiness. But this time, the things that bring you happiness are different from what you originally wrote. Look for others, but be real and meaningful for your life.

This time, after exactly 5 minutes, I ask her:

“Did you manage to identify those things that would bring you happiness?”Give yourself five minutes to write down what would be the most significant things that would bring you happiness. But this time, the things that bring you happiness are different from what you originally wrote. Look for others, but be real and meaningful for your life.

This time, after exactly 5 minutes, I ask her:

“Did you manage to identify those things that would bring you happiness?”

-Yes, it was her answer.

– So what conclusion have you reached so far?

– Actually, I did two things:

1. that there are other things to bring me happiness;

2. That my happiness is not dependent only on what I have been thinking so far.

“Well, let’s go further,” I tell him. Roxana, on a scale of 0-10, how long did your degree of unhappiness come?Yes, it was her answer.

– So what conclusion have you reached so far?

– Actually, I did two things:

1. that there are other things to bring me happiness;

2. That my happiness is not dependent only on what I have been thinking so far.

“Well, let’s go further,” I tell him. Roxana, on a scale of 0-10, how long did your degree of unhappiness come?

– I do not know how you did that, but it’s pretty small, I feel like I’m up to 3. Now I feel like I’m getting control of my happiness, because I understand how much better it works.

Journey to Happiness – Level 4

– Good! At this point, you say your level of unhappiness is 3. Do not you want to go back to 7 or even 9?

“Nuuuu,” she says very resolutely.

– Well why? Think well, 9 is a flourish that tortures you, and you like it. So we go back to 9?

– No, so do not. Not! Not! Not!

– Okay, I see you’re determined, so I do not put you with you, I have no chance of winning. But, here’s what I want to add: If you are looking for happiness, it means mentally, you put it somewhere before you. And as long as you continue to follow her, she will always be disturbing.

You can not pursue something you already have, that is, the chance to be happy right now. The secret is to be happy right from this moment on.

In your past, you fell into the victim’s position, precisely because of the wrong mental setup, to place happiness somewhere in the future.

Even your language was wrong, because you said, “I am looking for happiness.” And then you start to look for it, when happiness is right inside your mind.

So, what you are now is the result of what you thought and did in the past. What you will be in the future is the result of what you are thinking and doing at the moment.

Therefore, what you are now is a result that you have gained from a process of thought and action.

If you want to be happy in the future, then you have to accept that happiness begins today. But let’s continue, because I want to discover something extremely important about your happiness.

– In your past, you lived your life in a predominant state of unhappiness. Right?

– Yes, because … (but I did not let her go on with justification, I broke his condition to explore his unhappiness).

– Good. And now you have come to live in a state of unhappiness.

– Well, because … (and once again I broke the condition to explore her unhappiness).

So, your present state is a result of what you have been in the past. It’s like throwing a stone in a lake. Once you’ve thrown it, it’ll just get into the lake and create waves. But the created waves are just one result.

I have a question for you:

– If you want to be happy in the future, what should happen?

– Well … to be happy today.

– Good! Then here is what I recommend: keep your unhappiness from the past, bring it to the present and take it with you in the future. Choose to be unhappy.

– Well that’s not what I want (Roxana answers without thinking)!

– All right, but what do you want?

– To be happy!

– And when do you choose to be happy?

– Right now, right now. Wait … I’m starting to understand! I bind the happiness of outer things that I could not control. And besides, I put it somewhere in my future. Actually, I choose to be unhappy about what I do not have, instead of being happy with what I have.

“That’s what you were doing,” I replied. So, you wanted the state of happiness, which is an inner state, trying to control things that did not depend on you, instead of controlling the things that were in your control. Right?

– Yes! That’s what I did for many years!

– You see, happiness comes from tiny things in your life, from the small choices that gathered make you feel happy with the life you live in. So enjoy simple things! Happiness is in every detail of your everyday existence. So, I think it is now much clearer that your happiness is starting now and you will need to maintain that state.

So, I want to ask: what do you think about your happiness now and what do you choose to do about it? I want you to write this on the sheet and over 60 seconds to read the answer. And that’s what Roxana said:

– I choose to be happy every day, because my happiness depends mostly on my thoughts.

Roxana, now I just want to ask you out of curiosity:

– On a scale of 0-10, what level do you think your current degree of unhappiness is?

It’s brilliant, I just feel free, I can not believe it! I admit that at first you annoyed me with your questions, but now I understand.

– Good! Now, because you understand and because my questions have not caused you to quit, I want to ask you: at this moment you have at least 5 strong reasons to be happy?

– Well, I think I could write even more than 10 reasons.

– So what is your degree of unhappiness now?

– Well … it’s not. I just feel so relieved of those emotions that struggled me every day. Gabi is amazing! Thank you. I would never have thought I could change my way of seeing happiness quickly.

– Do not thank me, but thank you, for you have come to this conclusion.

10 thoughts on “Case Study: From sadness to happiness in 30 minutes!

      1. This psychiatrist was sure that Roxana didn’t have anything clinical? And do you know if Roxana actually got better, or just said whatever this pro wanted to hear so that it ends soon? Because all I read is continuous blaming and shaming until the person ultimately says ‘I am happy ( please stop calling me an unhappy loser!)’. I even put myself in Roxana’s place, and found the pro with a red nose while I was walking out, right after the step 1!πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

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